Fell free to judge me but yes, I lay with DJ C until he falls asleep. It is becoming harder and harder as it takes him longer and longer to fall asleep. And if i don’t leave at the exact right moment, when he reaches REM, he screams like a banshee and let me tell you, kid’s got lungs. The whole of Pretoria would phone child services! So there I lay and listen to Jane Austen audio-books. This was all good in the beginning but now he realizes that i’m not sleeping. So he obviously feels that he doesn’t have to either.

The Plan Of Attack

So now I’ve had to resort to CIA tactics. Pretending to be dead/asleep as he proceeds to carry out various torture methods on me to get me to talk! Last night I lay dead still. Through the entire ordeal!

He scratched my cornea (Note to self: Buy Chloroform so i can trim his nails) (Not to Everyone: I’m only joking… sorta… don’t think you can get Chloroform over the counter) (Seriously, i’m joking), he kept doing some kind of WWE body slam where he would stand on the bed and just fall with his full weight (13 kg’s!) on top of my face! Eventually he ended up head butting me on the jaw! Seriously, i might have a problem talking today in which case i’ll probably die by word explosion from holding it in! He also shoved his finger so far up my nose i swear he damaged something! Can you get Meningitis from dirty toddler fingernails?

My breaking point though… he lifted my shirt and shoved his long nailed, lengthy fingers right in my FREAKING BELLY BUTTON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! People who know me know that Belly Buttons is my kryptonite. I freaking hate them! Don’t touch your own, don’t show me yours and for the love of all that is holy don’t come anywhere near mine!!!!!!

So guess who’s going to have to buy granny panties and high wasted pants cause he toddler found her weakness? THIS GIRL!