Time to get honest. I wouldn’t say that I have a ‘hoarding’ problem per se but I definitely struggle to say “Hell no!” when people try to give me their shit, that they themselves are struggling to get rid of. Let’s hit you with a for instance.

There were these people that lived in our complex. They had this huge bulky, plastic, clearly over-used slide. It was only slightly broken and all I needed to do was buy 2 bolts and nuts to fix it. Grandmaster D was sleeping. If he were awake he would have quickly chimed in with a “Thanks but no thanks”, however, there I was. Alone. With this slide standing, in parts, in front of me… and the kids. How? How do I say no? Lil Jams and DJ C are right there! They’re already trying to climb on it. So, much to Grandmaster D’s dismay, I took it. Drove to Builders. Got the bolts and put that bitch together. Hours of fun! It gave them hours of fun and pleasure. But… it didn’t quite fit in anywhere… Our garden is small and there is already a braai, a table, a bicycle, 2 plastic motorbikes, 2 adults, 2 kids and 2 dogs that try and collectively get some space there. This freaking slide was ALWAYS in the way. We’d have to keep moving it around and the grass was dying because the bulky plastic was blocking the sun, the kids wanted to outside all the time, in the dead of winter, at night. Snot, running down faces and the slide. I had enough.

It had to be done. One day, while the kids were at school I did the unthinkable! I tracked the complex gardener and begged him to come and remove it and throw it away! He asked if he could keep it for his kids, the only down side is that it would be a few months before he can organize some sort of transportation to his home. I agreed on one condition, he stash it somewhere where the kids can’t see it, ever! He agreed.

He placed it in the “gardening area” that the complex has. It’s basically a cordoned off space where we keep our garden refuse barrels and other miscellaneous crap.

The kids came home and Lil Jams instantly noticed it was gone. I told him we had to throw it away because I broke it.

Lil Jams: Why did you break it?
Me: Because I tried to slide down it and it’s not made for adults.
Lil Jams: Why did you try slide down it?
Me: Uhm, probably because I was trying to be silly?
Lil Jams: Why were you trying to be silly?

This kid was not buying it. But I persisted and he relented… eventually.

This morning as we were driving out the complex to go to school, I stopped, waiting for the gate to open. The Garden-Crap-Shack was on his side of the car and the gate was open. He saw it… He saw the freaking slide! If he wasn’t strapped in he would have leaped through the glass.

Lil Jams: The slide! Mommy! The slide! It’s fixed!
Me: (totally flustered!) No it’s not!
Lil Jams: There it is! It’s not broken!
Me: No no, it’s still very broken it just LOOKS like it’s not broken. (Seriously, I think the gate couldn’t open slow enough)

After dropping them off, he still didn’t buy it. Crap.