mom of boys

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The Shh-Pooh Storm

For the last few mornings my boys have decided that 5am is the best time to have all sorts of bodily functions… That’s right folks, The Shh-Pooh Storm of toddler pooh and toddler vomit!

When It All Started

Last Friday morning DJ C literally HURLED BOWS all over our bed. I suspect that he had drank his milk too fast because he had slept later than usual and was very thirsty. So 5am on a Friday morning i’m taking sheets off the bed, trying to dry a mattress and rinse chunks off kids and clothes.

Day 2

Monday morning at 5am Lil Jams’ hurled all over our bed. This could be partly my fault as he came to tell me he wanted to ‘bommit’ but i told him to go ‘VVVVomit’ in the toilet. He then ‘Bommited’ over DJ C, me and himself. Again, i’m changing sheets, washing chunks. But this morning was different, the lingering smell of meat in hurl stuck with me and i found myself swallowing back a few times.

Day 3

Tuesday morning at 5:15am DJ C walks to our bed and i, unknowingly, pick him up. Realized there’s a lingering smell of shit in the air. Yup. You guessed it. He shat himself epically! So now we have a bed in the kids’ room covered in poo and our bed as well as DJ C and myself… again.

I had had enough of 5am mornings! So i sat the boys down. I told them “NO MORE BODILY FUNCTIONS AT 5am!”.

Ultimately

DJ C complied and this morning at 1:30 Husband carries DJ C into our room in the dark saying he think he had a big poo… what a freaking understatement! Being OCD is a huge disadvantage especially if the words ‘poo’ in muttered, no matter the time! ALL THE LIGHTS ON!

DJ C has left a trail of the route him and Husband walked to the room with drops of shit. I had to switch the lights on to make sure that i cleaned all the poo from DJ C’s bum, legs, hands, arms, feet and between his toes… yes… between his freaking toes! I then had to clean the dog’s feet because he was so excited by the commotion that he slipped in the shit. Literally!

I then had to inspect both beds for remnants of poo and wash the floors. All the activity made Lil Jams wake up and he thought it was time to wake up and was too excited to sleep again because he thought it was concert day…

No one can say that my family is full of shit…

How Does One Handle All This?

You will need the following products:

  • Gloves: No one wants that shit under their nails (admittedly i don’t use them because… well… i’m normally still half asleep and only thinking about how i should get some for these occasions whilst scrubbing poo out from under my nails)
  • Light Reading: To help you remember to keep your shit together and that you can laugh… after the fact
  • Mattress Protectors: Even though we don’t have the waterproof one’s, shit could be a lot worse if we had none at all…

Also, how many times can you flip a mattress in 1 week? Asking for a friend…

Aside

Long Time

Damn. I seem to be very bad at this “blogging” thing! I’ve been super busy! Lil’ Jams and DJ C went to my folks’ place the week before last and so I was SUPER busy doing NOTHING! I had plans to sleep late but would be wide awake by 6am. I planned to have long baths at night but after washing I would lay back, take a deep breath and think “What the fuck do people normally do in the bath for so long?” So 20min I would be dressed and ready for bed! I planned on not cooking at all that entire week but ended up making food we never make anymore because the kids don’t dig it…

I also missed them terribly! I joined them on the Friday and they turned from little sweet angels to utter feral, whiney children! Right in front of my folks’ eyes! They were telling me how good they had been the whole week. I was then reminded of a story I read where they say that your kids act up when you’re around because you’re their safe space. They are comfortable with expressing their emotions fully when you’re around. I don’t know if this is true or not but I’m 100% believing this is why.

Dj C

DJ C is going through a ‘No!”, clingy phase. Everything is answered with a ‘No!”, even when it’s something he actually wants. You can see his facial expression change once he realizes he just vetoed something he wanted. Then it’s tears because he now wants it.

Lil Jams

This morning as Lil Jams was picking out his clothes for the day and dressing himself, telling me about how he punched a shark and is going to buy me and Husband a black Toyota, I realized that he is growing up so fast! Just the other day he was a little baby in the NICU and now he’s a big brother that doesn’t understand colour coordination yet…

Loving and cherishing my boys, even though less than 12 hours ago they were making me bat shit crazy, gets me through the day!